How Creativity Died

9 Mar Body art by Emma Hack

First off…. Watch this: TED Talks

We have engineered creativity out of ourselves and our children. Isn’t it sad? I did horribly in school. I was fantastic come test time… I had the highest test scores in my class, but I had a very low grade point average. I was also taken to several psychiatrists and by the time I was 10 years old I took 8 pills every morning. I can’t even tell you what they all were. ADHD, dyslexia, anxiety, over-active imagination, tendency to exaggerate, over-dramatic, too much energy, can’t sit still, doesn’t play well with others, not enough attention to academics, doesn’t know how to study, obviously doesn’t care, failing.

What could I have been if they had just let me be me and express myself in the ways my body was telling me to?

I came across this quote from a site called toxicdrums:

Boredom is actually a form of distress.  To get a perspective on this consider all those relaxed lions dozing in the mid day sun on the African plains.  You won’t see a bored one.  But in a zoo they can (unfortunately) sometimes be seen neurotically pacing backwards and forwards.  That is a bored lion.  When you are feeling bored it is usually because the natural activities that you want are not available as choices in your conscious mind.  You are in some sense caged.  The typical reason for this is that  you have been restricted in your past by figures of authority, your parents, your teachers, or other people looking after you.  See the educating children page for more about how we stifle our children.  It’s called oppression and you learn to comply to stay safe and survive.  Eventually you are doing it to yourself without being conscious of it.  So it seems a mystery why you feel unhappy and stuck.

Isn’t it bizarre? Trapped in our own minds. I just wonder how to begin trying to reclaim some of what may have been lost to me. They say getting outside and exercising is a good beginning. I wish it would stop raining.

This is a minor Skadi day for me. A little shaky, but surviving. We don’t have internet at the new place yet so it’s hard for me to post. I took lots of pictures to share, but the internet from the retirement home next door is very weak and it’d take too long to upload them right now.

Featured image is body art by Emma Hack  – She’s fantastic

Wound Tight

29 Feb

It’s been a while, folks. Tomorrow is the big day. The day we go sign the lease on the new apartment and get the keys to begin moving in. It’s stressful, but in a good way. It has made me a little short and I can feel myself stretched onto the ledge just barely hanging on. I feel wound like a rubberband… with just the wrong touch I’ll fly off and snap. I’m working hard trying to maintain positivity, but I can feel the anxiety hiding just under the surface. It scares me and that makes it worse.

Tonight I watched Benny and Joon. I love that movie. It always makes me smile. I hope one day to have a house as colorful and fun as hers looks in the movie.

I think Shawn knows I’m on the tipping point… he hardly spoke to me yesterday. Maybe I’m just imagining something out of paranoia, though. He tells me I do that a lot.

I don’t really have anything to report. I just felt like I should probably try typing some stuff out to help me relax a little.

I don’t think it’s working though. I need to find something else to do. I’m just scared. I don’t want to fall out right now. I have too much to do and we only have 2 weeks to get everything moved and cleaned. I can’t fall out right now. I need to stay happy.

Cups of Tea = New Friends?

23 Feb 2534477

Remember last week’s social experiment that went well? Tonight was the second weekly meeting I’ve gone to. It was great! We went to a local coffee shop and all got some tea and snack and we just sat around taking about anything and everything. It was so much fun! The two girls that were last week were there and we were joined by a British lady who’s here with her husband for work living in the states. They’re all very sweet! I have to say I love finally getting the low-down on some aspects of British life and how it compares to American. I’ve considered trying to emigrate to the U.K. before, but I honestly just don’t have the money or marketable skills to do so. I’m very excited to have some new people to talk to and the possibility of forming some new friendships.

Today at work I was asked to design a t-shirt honoring a woman who passed away. I have to admit that being a) non-religious and b) that I never met the departed I was kind of confused as to where to go with it. At first I got a picture of an open bible and mapped her picture so that it looked like one of the pages. My employer told me it was “just not right” to insert some into the bible (even though the deceased was a pastor). So, Instead I put the bible in front of a framed picture f her. Then I was told to erase the words from the pages and instead insert some verses from psalms. The whole thing was rather interesting but I think it came out well. I’d post it here to show you, but I feel that may be a violation of her family’s privacy.

Let’s see… other news… Again we’re not trying for baby this month so I’m not even bothering to chart.

Um… Well I guess that’s it for today. A little short, but c’est la vie!

A Little Artsy (minipost)

22 Feb dr copy

New Rule: I cannot watch The United States of Tara. Last night I was feeling good and happy and then I watched a rather sad episode and could feel my mood tipping dangerously close to “the fall”. I had to run to the store, get some more chai tea and then run home to watch all sorts of happy stuff like puppies and Doctor Who (I love rewatching the Christmas Specials).

Also… artwork completed. I made this vector style poster. Been working on it for a while now. I think I’ll get quotes on printing and offer it as a print on Etsy.

I’m working on another one already but have a long way to go.

Anyhoo I just wanted to drop in and say “Hello” and say that my day is going very well. I’m about to go meet up with an old friend and that promises to be very pleasant!

Micro Kitchen Ideas

20 Feb il_570xN.214631316

Today is a day for Shopping!

Right now I’ve been thinking on this kitchen in the new apartment. It’s tiny. I mean teeny weeny tiny. And we are kitchen people. We like to have a menagerie of spices on hand at all times and we have a pretty nice collection of pots and pans. Shawn being a professional chef and all… a fully stocked kitchen is an occupational hazard! So, I’ve been trying to find ways of saving space and making the place look nice all at the same time.

Ok, so this is the kitchen from the apartments I’m moving into… only without the new cabinets. We have those old white faced, wood trim cabinets. (the unrenovated unit was so much cheaper per month)

I took the picture from the apartment’s website.VERY small.

The first thing I’ll need to address is a spice rack. We have tons of spices and I hate keeping them in that tiny cupboard above the stove! I’m only 5’4… I don’t want to have to find a place to store a step-stool too. We can put the stemware up there and I’ll only have to get up there once in a blue moon, but the spices I use on an almost daily basis. I also don’t want the spices taking up precious counter space! I’ve already got enough things to do that between my coffee machine and cookie jar.

1. Magnetic Spice Rack

So there are plenty of magnetic spice racks on the market these days,

Ibut I’d like to conserve space at the same time. I found this idea over at www.addicted2decorating.com

I love the look of this. On her site she has instructions on how to make this great little spice rack, but I think to make it fit for what I need I might do this instead:

  1. cover the front of the freezer door in removable chalkboard contact paper.
  2. get a lightweight frame (from a thrift store will do) the size of or slightly smaller than the front of the freezer door
  3. spray paint said frame brown/gold and let dry overnight
  4. spray paint frame a fun color and using a paper towel gently brush away the paint from the tops of some of the details to let the under color show through.
  5. back frame with either adhesive or magnet strips.
  6. affix frame to the front of the freezer door
  7. Stick on magnetic spice tins and label with chalk.

I found some great spice tins on Etsy’s Salt City Spice

I like these because spices are so colorful and these give you a nice wide window in which to show them off! You can get a set of 8 for only $19.00. Here!

2. Pot Rack

So, we have a LOT of pots and pans. They end up taking up quite a few cabinets just on their own. Right now we have twice as much cabinet space as in the upcoming apartment and are still overflowing. We need some vertical stackage. So on that wall at the end of the kitchen, up towards the top I think we need one of these:

This would give me a chance to get some of the smaller pots and some of the utensils out of the cabinets. I think we could also keep the cereal boxes on the shelf up top (if not some nice decorative books). At a price of $79.99 I might wait for this one to hit the clearance shelves, but I still think that this will be a much needed addition. Get it here!

3. Decorate

Alright so once we get those two things out of the way I should have just enough room for my already crowded kitchen to squeeze into the new smaller kitchen. But then… I still have to look at it.

Shawn and I are big fans of our decor doubling as humor. We don’t take ourselves too seriously and neither should our house. So at the back wall beneath the pot rack I wanted to put a medium-sized framed and matted print of… The Swedish Chef. At first, we had discussed putting a portrait of a famous chef or an old wine label. But, when we saw this print from allprints.com we knew we’d been beaten.

We love the Swedish Chef. And this print is just enough of “Old World” meets “Ridiculous” for us. The pricing ranges all over based on a lot of variables. I think with a nice mustard yellow matte and a simple brown frame this could be a winner!

So those are just a few of my ideas so far. I hope you guys are having a great day! I am!

Comics and Confessions

19 Feb Tardis

Have I ever told you guys that my husband is the most fantastic and awesome guy ever? He is. Seriously. Yesterday he came home from work with a bundle of flattened boxes all bound together by some masking tape. I love that he listens. I never even asked him for more boxes! And then today he took me to get coffee and then to the comic book shop where I got an issue of the Doctor Who comics (the 2010 annual) and an issue of The Doctor Who Companion magazine! I think my affection for DW may be getting out of hand, but as long as Shawn is enjoying it as much as I am then who cares?

I want to get a tattoo. I love tattoos! This one will probably be next, because sometimes if I think about a tattoo too long I’ll talk myself out of it and what fun is that? I want to get sort of a cameo with lace around the outside but in the middle instead of a silhouette I want a picture of the tardis with roses growing behind it. And somewhere in the lace, kind of hidden I want the words “Bad Wolf” stitched into the lines. And then underneath the whole thing, maybe overlapping the cameo a little, banner that says “Allons-y”. I need this. It will go on the outside of my right ankle/lower calf.

Confession: I had pizza today and yesterday. That is totally NOT diet friendly. I feel like I need the move. I need this total reset to be able to get my life back together. My apartment is a mess (today I took out 3 bags full of trash). I guess ever since my last episode… I didn’t clean at all during it and the house fell apart. Big time. I just haven’t had the motivation yet to get up take it all back. I really hate the fallout from it. I was watching the United States of Tara and she was talking about how much she hated cleaning up after her other personalities… I kind of knew pretty much how she felt. Obviously not entirely… but, by the time I’m feeling like myself again there’s usually mess and destruction all around me. Not always physical either. It puts a lot of stress on my personal relationships.

There is another side to bipolar… not just myself and Skadi… there’s also the manic side. When I feel so happy and energized I could just bounce off the walls. It’s also the reason I was first misdiagnosed as ADHD. But, it gets to the point where I’m obviously not acting like myself anymore (I usually get the “Are you ok?” and the “What are you on?” questions). I’m a fairly calm and down to earth person in general. I like to be happy, but quietly. I haven’t had a good flash of manic for a while now. I could use one with the move coming up. I tend to get so much done. Endless amounts of energy, and like this crazy super focus. It’s like I can hone in on one thing like a missile and ignore everything else.  I could really use that right now. I need to get a lot done.

So… best to start right now. I’m going to put on some indie-rock on Pandora (welcome back springtime!) and I’ll work on cleaning, laundry and packing.

TTYL

Where Were We?

17 Feb

So, here’s the report: Last night’s “experiment” went very well. Is it the beginning of something bigger and deeper? I’m not sure. I did get invited by one of the girls from last night to go to a local Mardi Gras parade today, but I wasn’t feeling well and after work I simply went home to lie down.

I’m excited about the prospect of new friends and at the same time apprehensive. I’m always afraid to put any stresses on my relationship with hubs because I tend to get kind of weird. I’ll begin constantly asking him if he’s angry or if I’m doing something wrong. Totally a confidence issue, but it makes me try to avoid the situation all the same. I hope that he’ll be ok with me being a little more “out of the house”. People tell me it shouldn’t matter and I should do what I want to, the end. But, it does matter. His opinion will always be a big influence on my life as much as my opinion influences him (and it does, believe me). I guess that’s really the definition of marriage. Agreeing to compromise.

Packing. Not going well. Remember that really organized packing plan I made for myself? Yea… no. I’ve run out of boxes and have yet to get all the trinkets away so I came up with a new plan: Since I only have 5 boxes (which is really all that will fit in my car at once) I will pack up all the boxes, drive them to the new apartment, then unpack them and PUT THINGS WHERE THEY BELONG, take the empty boxes back to the old apartment and do it again! This forces me to unpack as I’m moving! I won’t have any boxes stacked up waiting for me to get to them to unpack them! Really, I’m wondering why I didn’t think of this first. I’ll call it “Rotational Relocation”. Rotating the same 5 boxes to move everything from one place to the other and since we won’t be actually sleeping at the new apartment until a week after we’ve had it it’ll gives us plenty of time to work on it slowly and do it properly. Especially since we’ll both still be working a full day for most of that week. Only two weeks until we begin moving now. I’m excited.

Diet. Not going well either. I need to clear my head again. I need to get my mind in the place where everyday I wake up, go online and find a dress I want to wear and look good in, print it out and put it on the wall right before I make my first shake of the day. I have got to do this. I have also got to start walking further each day. I know Chase won’t mind. The new apartment complex doesn’t have a gym in it, so I better get used to finding time to go somewhere and work out. I have got to get in shape. Seriously. So, I just had a shake, tomorrow I will have nothing but shakes all day. Wish me luck.

Also, I’ve been working on a digital art project which is something I haven’t done in a while. When it’s finished I’ll post it here. It’s sort of a Doctor Who poster/t-shirt type thingy. Maybe. I hardly ever know what my art will be until it is. You know?

Ciao.

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